ADA Recommended

Let's just get straight to the point with my post for today: Visit your dentist once every six months. In the meantime, brush, floss, gargle, rinse, swish, whiten, sandblast, detoxify, or whatever it is that you have to do to avoid getting cavities! Inevitably, the only response to a cavity that will not drop you a class in civilized society is a filling. I firmly believe that any member of a profession which voluntarily chooses to place a drill in your mouth is not to be trusted.

You may have seen a brief mention of my dentist visit in a previous post, but little did I know the magnitude of that visit. Having felt a slight sensitivity to both sweets and cold liquid on one side of my mouth, I thought back to the last time I had visited my kind and honorable dentist. A little concerned at the fact that my most recent visit wasn't quickly coming to me, I scheduled an appointment. The teeth cleaning wasn't bad, and actually a little enjoyable. My pearly whites felt so smooth and sleak. The dentist's aid was very nice and quite attractive. As I sat in that chair, I had been gently and softly seduced into believing that my only problem coming out of that office would be enjoying my newly-found lack of plaque for as long as possible. Her caring eyes and tender touch were so powerful that even after the dentist had done his three-minute evaluation finding four cavities, I was still numbed to the realization.

As the straight-from-the-shop soon wore off of my teeth, so did the sweet anaesthetic of my last visit. I quickly came to and was ready to face the unavoidable task of filling the gaps. I settled into the chair yesterday, fully-equipped with my triple Bounty-thick bib. Sparing no expense, the dentist installed monitors attached by a metal arm to the ceiling which provided in-flight entertainment. Now playing this hour was "Shanghai Noon", starring Owen Wilson and Jackie Chan.

The whole mood of the visit changed as the dentist came wheeling up in his chair wearing some sort of mini-binoculars over his glasses. As old Six-Eyes closed in on me, my seat was lowered back and headphones given to me to hear the movie. "Raise your left hand if you need anything, okay?" they said to me. What would I be needing? A hot towel, glass of orange juice...perhaps to request that they rewind the movie a little bit so I can see Jackie Chan frantically run away from 6 Indians only to catch up with them and whip their butts with Kung Fu.

Then came the needle. They had already numbed me a little with some topical anaesthetic but the shot was what really did it. Since I was lucky enough to have one in each "quadrant", I was able to completely knock out my whole mouth with injections that I swear must have gone through my cheek. Now drooling on myself without the nerves to control my own saliva, the dentist pulled out his mini Black and Decker drill to grind away at my teeth. I was a little amused at first by the fact that I couldn't feel anything in my mouth. The whirring sound was muffled by my movie headphones. That darned Owen Wilson sure is a funny cowboy. Suddenly, I heard the motor kick into high gear and my entire head vibrated as the drill snagged the side of my tooth. My trusty numbing medicine had apparently not had a chance to reach all parts of my mouth as pain shot down my spine. I curled up in my chair, squinting and writhing in an uncontrollable urge to resist the pain. Mind over matter, I'm thinking, mind over matter. The motor spun down as the drill was taken slightly out of my mouth. As I lay there tightened by the shock and breathing a little harder, the dentist just stared at me. Of course, how could I forget.

Slowly, I raised my left hand.

"You feel that, buddy?" he said. No, doc, just showing you my imitation of bacon in a frying pan. "Oh, cause you're not supposed to." You know, I never would've guessed that. I was too off in my fantasy world of pain-free dentistry that I forgot to realize your drill was 2 millimeters from some of the strongest nerve-endings in my body!

Needless to say, I finished the procedure and did my best to not bite the side of my cheek off while it was numb. Let it be understood here that my threshold of pain is slightly higher than a dentist's drill or shot. There are much worse medical procedures, all of which I hope I am never a part of. But this was more of a personal defeat. There's not too many things that I hate worse than something that could have been easily prevented with a little bit of upfront care. I had plenty of time to visit the dentist while I was in school! I kept good hygiene and brushed all the time, but that just doesn't cut it with those back teeth. So the moral of the story is don't put off until tomorrow what you can take care of more pleasantly today. Believe me, a cute nurse beats "Mr. Fix-It the dentist" any day.